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Bubba had Shingles

Bubba Had Shingles
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:
Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.
Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.
An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." The doctor asked, "Where?"
Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??"

Warped

I was walking past the mental hospital the

other day, and all the patients were

shouting ,'13....13....13'

The fence was too high to see over, but

I saw a little gap in the planks and looked

through to see what was going on.

Somebody poked me in the eye

with a stick.

Then they all started shouting

'14....14....14'..

Did you know this?

Bet you'll go to your kitchen to check this one out. I did.

Well, I'm not telling everyone my age, as most of you already know ... BUT ... I had to go into the kitchen and check this out for myself. Who ever looks at the end of your aluminum foil box? What a fantastic idea. Now, if someone would just make plastic wrap that didn't stick to itself.

I've been using aluminum foil for more years than I care to remember. Great stuff, but sometimes it can be a pain. You know, like when you are in the middle of doing something and you try to pull some foil out and the roll comes out of the box. Then you have to put the roll back in the box and start over. The darn roll always comes out at the wrong time.

Well, I would like to share this with you. Yesterday I went to throw out an empty Reynolds foil box and for some reason I turned it and looked at the end of the box. And written on the end it said, “Press here to lock end”. Right there on the end of the box is a tab to lock the roll in place. How long has this little locking tab been there? I then looked at a generic brand of aluminum foil and it had one, too. I then looked at a box of Saran wrap and it had one too! I can’t count the number of times the Saran warp roll has jumped out when I was trying to cover something up.

I’m sharing this with my friends that did not know this. If you all ready know this, delete this message and don’t e-mail me and make me feel dumber than I already feel. If you didn’t know this, e-mail me and let me know so I won’t feel so dumb.

I hope I’m not the only person that didn’t know about this.

Four worms

Four Worms and a lesson

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke..
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead

Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead

Fourth worm in good clean soil -

Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation -

What can you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service --

Wrong Email

A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong E-mail
address:

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they
spent their honeymoon 20 years before.

Because of their hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their
travel schedules. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on
Friday, and his wife w as flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel, and unlike years ago, there was a
computer in his room, and he decided to send an email to his wife. However,
he accidentally left out one letter in her E-mail
address, and without noticing his error, sent the
email to the wrong address.

Meanwhile ... Somewhere in Houston ... A widow had just returned home from
her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory after
suffering a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her E-mail, expecting
messages from relatives and friends After reading the first message, she
screamed and then fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and
then glanced up and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Date: Friday, October 13, 2007
Subject: I have arrived!

Dearest Love:

I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and
you are allowed to send E-mail to your loved ones.

I have just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has
been prepared for your arrival tomorrow, and look forward to seeing you
then.

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

PS It sure is freakin' hot down here

Bar Joke

Bar joke

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, we serve a drink here named after you", and the grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Bob?"

Dress

THE DRESS

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her
excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce.. Her mother had found
the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed
mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn
that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress!
Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. 'Absolutely not. I
look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,' she
replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, 'Never mind
sweetheart. I'll get another dress . After all it's your special day.'
A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous
dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, 'Aren't
you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another
occasion where you could wear it.' Her mother just smiled and replied,
'Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night
before the wedding.

NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY
THIS STORY? SEND IT TO EVERY WOMAN YOU KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Political Ticket

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop. I was only there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a 'doughnut eating Nazi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him a 'flatfooted oinker.' He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said 'Obama in '08.' I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important to my health.

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